WHAT I MEANT TO SAY

Wednesday, February 15, 2017


Time has a wonderful way to show us what really matters.

Day to day living our lives and enjoy every moment, we tend to forget how many times left we can hold into certain things - or in some cases, certain people. Of course we are not living in immortal life situation, nor those people are immortal. We forget that they might leave. Maybe they're moving to other cities or even overseas. Maybe things are not working out and they just left. Maybe they're die. Maybe. 

I am a person who are not afraid to show my concern to people around me, especially those who really matters to me. When I concern about my parents' health, I'll go in full act and sometimes, forget about my own health. When I concern of my sisters' goals, I'll be their best supporter you can ever meet. When I concern about my best friends' problem, I'll listen to them and help them in the best way possible.

But when it comes to show how much I love people, it is so hard. I can show how much I love my parents and family. It's easy to show how much I love my best friends but for someone who makes my heart pounding, I can't. Even sometimes, it gets confusing because I seem care to everyone and I can't see the difference between concern and love. 

People say that my biggest strength is my heart : the amount of kindness, concern and devotion I have. But I just realize, it is also my biggest weakness. Recent situation made me realize I didn't fully understand myself. I was so naive, I was lying to myself because all the thoughts of this kindness and concern. I didn't know who I am. Not until now.

If only time showed me sooner, maybe things were not like this. 
If only I realized a little bit sooner, maybe I wouldn't hurt myself and this person who matters the most. 
If only... 

But, no, I didn't regret anything. I'm glad time showed me my real feelings, gave me answer to the question I never asked. I'm glad that I told this person how much he means to me. I'm glad he told me his feeling too. I'm so glad we did. Although it seems like we can't be together, I honestly didn't think about that. What matters to me is his presence in my life, because now I know, I need him more than I can ever imagine.

So what's the point of my post here? I don't know. I just want to write down whatever on my mind right now. Sorry if any of this doesn't make any sense.

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