HOW TO MAINTAIN LONG DISTANCE FRIENDSHIP

Friday, September 08, 2017

Friendship, in my perspective, is not defined by how often you talk to someone or you meet him or her. It's not always about sharing the same hobby or similar personalities. No matter how long you've know her or him, friendship can happens. 

Based on my personal experiences, friendship needs mutual respect and loyalty. It builds on mutual feelings: trust, care, and respect. If your friends don't have those three, then they're not your friends at all. You need to trust, care and respect them as much as they are. Friendship is a two way connection. It has to be equal because you can't build friendship only in one side. It has to be two sides working together equally.

Friendship must make you better person in every aspect: better learner, worker, lover, daughter or son, or parent maybe. 

However, some circumstances can test the friendship you've built, like for example: distance. You or your best friend move to another city, country or maybe continent. It really is testing your friendship.


My very dear best friend, Rika, moved to Australia last January. It was really hard for me, because I'm one of those people who tend to rely on people I love and she's one of them for sure. It was hard for her, too. The first two months, every time we called on FaceTime, I cried. I was crying like a baby, and I had no shame on it. Long short story, we used to be apart. It's not that hard now that we've found ways to maintain our friendship healthy and strong. 

Maintaining faraway friendship is challenging. It's not easy, of course, but it is not impossible. Being away from your best friend doesn't stopping you from being a good person they need. It doesn't mean to stop being close. As I learned to maintain mine and Rika's friendship, it just needs to figure out new ways to cope in. 

Here are lessons I've learned about having my dear best friend being 5000 km away: 

Be Patient and Respectful 

It takes more hard work, I know. It's painful, for sure. Sometimes, when we're at the lowest and really need to get warm hug from our best friend and they're not here anymore, it seems so hard to endure. Always be patient, because you're not the only one who works on it, your best friend too. Also, understand that your best friend might be ready to fall asleep after along day when you're ready to call them to blast out your feelings. It's not okay to not respectful. Be accepting of the situation.

Optimize The Internet 

You're master at it, aren't you? Because I do. We're lucky to live in such a high-tech era. Everything is so easy to do, even in one gadget. Make your phone useful more than just stalking or playing around on social media. I love that now WhatsApp or Line have video call feature so I have more options, not depending on Skype or FaceTime only. Use the good side of internet for caring and sharing. Now we have privilege to call people overseas without paying expensively. It's free if you use wi-fi ;)

Make Time 

With time difference, it's harder to make time for them. I'm lucky Rika is only 3 hours ahead of me, but still when she has free time to hit me on video call, I'm at my busiest. Learn about your time difference, learn about when the best time to chat or call them. You have so many new things to learn, to understand, but it will be fine in the end once you're getting used to them.

Be a Good Listener 

If your best friend moved alone to a new place, out from their comfort zone, treat them better than you used to be. Ten times better. Always be a great listener, they might have worse day than you, and all alone with strangers around them. Even if they're not alone, maybe with their family, still, new environment means new challenges. You have to be more willing to listen, to understand their situation, be very supportive. Know this, they would do the same for you. 

Be Upfront about Your Feelings 

No more secrets. Don't ever hold it when you feel like you didn't like what they say or what they do. Tell them. Keeping secret on something like this is not healthy, it makes your friendship build on a lie. If you disagree, say it. If you like it, go tell them. Maintaining a good, healthy long distance friendship is to trust each other. The way you can trust them is to be honest and have better understanding. Keep the care, respect and trust equal. 

Share More

Your best friend misses you just as much as you do. So it's okay to send them or keep them update on what you do. I like to share pictures to Rika when I do something (of course not every single time, it might upset her, lol), when I go to new place, or whatever. She sends me pictures of her days too and it is often make me jealous because obviously I miss her. It sounds silly, I know but sometimes, being silly is what we need. 

Make It Even More Special 

A friend of mine once said that my friendship wasn't healthy because we looked like couple more than being friends. At first, I was really mad but then I felt proud of my friendship with Rika because people don't have what we have. The amount of trust, respect and care we have and never shame to show it makes people jealous. Our friendship is very special like I said, because we treat it to be one.

Friendship is just like being in a relationship because in a way, it is romantic. We and our best friend build special bond together without pressure. We want this long distance friendship works. We make time, share stories. Best friend is family by choice, and you don't mess with family. 

I strongly believe, distance means nothing when someone means so much. Friendship is not about being inseparable, it is actually being separated but nothing changes. 

Tell your best friend that you love them. It always great to hear someone who cares so deeply be upfront. You never know how much your words mean and help them. 

Be lovely and good luck! xx 

4 comments:

  1. I love you ♥️ I'm on vline rn and crying like a baby 😢😢 It's my fifth time to read this but still couldn't help myself to cry 😭 I miss you so bad 💔 You miss me too, don't you? Sending you a thousand virtual hugs 🤗

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    1. I love you too! awww thanks bby I miss you lots come home soon xx

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  2. vera, i've read your blog for years and i feel like growing up with you. i'm a little bit shy to show myself on internet because once i was badly bullied and it still haunts me. your personality is amazing, i'm sure you're a very beautiful person inside and out. no wonder why you have an amazing friendship, rika must be very lucky to have you as best friend. i don't even know you two but i feel so sad that you and rika have to be apart. i hope you and rika's friendship will last forever.

    it may sounds silly, but reading your blog posts encourage me to be a better person. every time i open your blog and there's new post, it cheers me up. please makes more because you and your writing really helps me to get through everything i'm going through in my life.

    you make my faith in humanity restored. thank you.

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    1. no, thank YOU for always encouraging me to be better and more productive. thank you for always reading and support my blog. it really means a lot to read such a very kind comment on my blog from you. once again, thank you xx

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